The Case of the Missing Mirrors.

October 12, 2010, 8:27am Eastern Standard Time. It was a Tuesday. The day began like any other. I awoke at my friend's apartment in Brooklyn, NY. I showered, sent various e-mails, and prepared to take on the day.

My agenda on this particular day consisted of merely driving from New York to Boston in time to play a show in Cambridge that night at 9:30pm. Being in no rush to get on the road, I decided to spend the morning in Manhattan. I loaded my things into my car, and drove to the public parking area beneath the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway. From there, I made the ten minute walk to the nearest subway station at Graham Ave, where I caught the Manhattan-bound L train.

I rode the L to the 6th Ave stop, transferred to the 1 train, and got off at Broadway and 72nd Street in the Upper West Side. My plan was simple. Grab a bagel at 72nd Street Bagels, and eat my breakfast in Central Park while enjoying the beautiful fall weather that has fallen on New York City. This plan was carried out flawlessly, and I watched as the morning slowly drifted away on a park bench near Sheep Meadow.

Feeling refreshed, I hopped back on the L, and headed back toward Brooklyn. Strolling swiftly yet carelessly toward my car, which sat parked beneath the BQE, I couldn't imagine the day being spoiled by anything. I would soon be proven wrong.

Upon arriving at my car's resting place I was pleased to see that no windows had been broken, and all of my belongings were still safely inside. I then got in my car, and began to back out of the parking space. I glanced into my side-view mirror, and was shocked to see no reflection. I stopped the car, rubbed my eyes, and again looked into my side-view mirror. What I saw looking back at me was an empty shell with wires dangling helplessly from the side. Aghast, I frantically fixed my gaze on the passenger side mirror, only to find the same empty shell, and sad drooping wires. It was at that moment that I became fully aware that I had fallen victim to the "Side-View Mirror Smuggler".

The rest of the afternoon was spent filing police reports, dealing with insurance claims, and making a 4 hour drive down crowded highways and through busy city streets without the aid of my side-view mirrors.

So I say this to you, Side-View Mirror Smuggler. I wish you no great harm. However, should you suddenly lose your balance while clutching the pair of mirrors you so expertly removed from my defenseless vehicle, and fall in front of an oncoming L train on your way to sell the aforementioned mirrors, well now I think you've earned that. Don't you?

JD